What up guys, Gil Thorpe here. Philly sports blogger and PHILLY SPORTS FUCKING LOVER. You guys like that headline? Normally, people like to say “a stitch in nine saves nine“, but I decided to switch it up a little for you guys. Because my fucking favorite catcher in the NATIONAL LEAGUE (make him an all-star guys, come on) was there in all nine innings, getting one of his four hits (couple singles and a HR, four sacker, ding-a-ling, whatever you wanna say) or just calling an awesome game as usual. Some people are a little worried about Brian Schneider being hurt and all, but I say “Fuck it!”. Chooch can catch every fucking inning, he’s THAT good. When you see a guy hit a HR at Coors Field post-humidor, you know it’s no fluke. So don’t waste a roster spot, Charlie. If you’re gonna put someone in that spot on the roster, only make it CLIFFORD FUCKING PHIFER LEE. yeah, yeah, I know his name’s Clifton, but whatev, Clifford’s funnier, like that big red dog on the Arthur channel.

Speaking of pitchers though, let’s look at Kyle Kendrick. Like really look at him. He’s alright looking, right? So you think he’d be a better ppitcher. But after a BRILLIANT spring training, Kyle has not lived up to expectations. Sure, he had a couple good starts, but you just don’t normally feel safe with KK on the mound. With 8 hits and a couple walks given up last night, his WHIP stat is probably shitty as hell. How can a guy strike out Prince Albert just a few days ago, but not get out Seth FUCKING SMITH!?!?!?! That name is boring as shit, first of all. What is he in the goddamn Witness Protectio Program (any Goodfellas fans here???) Basically, I’m thinking Charlie will need to do what he did with Chan Ho Park last year. Sit him down and say, “you’re sucking a chode out there, get to the bullpen”. And as all of we sabermetricians know, once you get to the bullpen, you’re about to ROCK THE FUCK OUT

This is sweet twice because it makes you happy 'cause of the World Series and it looks like Chooch is holding a fucking DICK

. Because: Less pitches in game = increased velocity. And Kyle’s legendary sinker, which I was reading about on a famous sabermetrician’s blog, needs that velocity for the necesaary sink, or else it only sinks like 3 inches, instead of the necessary (sp?) at least 6.5 inches. ANd don’t even think I’m gonna convert that shit to the metric system for you international fans!!! (Lookin at you, Torontonians). Anyways, tonight, we see the infamous Doc Halladay, so you know it’s gonna be a good night. That ginger Aaron Cook doesn’t scare me. LET’S GO PHILS!!!!!!! Good night, and good luck. PS Vote for Chooch in the all star voting, along with the rest of phils, but most importantly Chooch, of CHooch May fame, because then we will be fielding AN ENTIRE TEAM OF ALL STARS

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